It’s been a bit of a crazy week. I’ve been doing all I could to “nudge” myself into labor to no avail. Friday we went in for our weekly appointment and all looked great. Baby’s heart is beating strong and he is still wiggling around like a monkey.
But apparently he is too much of a monkey. Come to find out he has turned from head down into a breech position. I guess our baby must be his father’s son!
Whatever his reason for flipping, above all I am glad our baby is healthy. Really, I can’t ask for anything more with how smoothly the rest of pregnancy has gone. But it was so unexpected, after all our planning for a smooth, gentle birth!
Accepting the idea of a C-Section
Before this point I hadn’t even considered the possibility of a C-section. Baby was head down! I was so sure we would have this peaceful birth we had planned for.
When our midwife first introduced the fact that we may need a C-section, I was surprised with how calm I felt. In the doctors office and as we headed home, I felt very at ease with whatever needed to happen to get baby here safely. But off and on over the last few days I have had those moments of feeling overwhelmed with the sudden change in plans. Where I had finally stopped worrying about baby getting here safely, and was instead eagerly hoping that each day would be his birth day, there were suddenly all sorts of unknowns. I’ve been more nervous about going into labor or my water breaking while Carter is at work. If bay does flip, we still have to figure out what is best. Do we induce me immediately, to ensure that he doesn’t flip again and we can have a vaginal birth? Or do we keep waiting, still allowing baby to come when he and my body are ready, allowing him to (hopefully) come gently into the world?
Well it’s all made me quite exhausted these last few days. I think that, while I have felt fairly calm, the stress has been taking its toll on my subconscious. I have been exhausted every day since our Friday appointment.
I Need Thee Every Hour
Sunday morning I found my emotions catching up with me. Our opening hymn at church was “I need thee every hour”.
I need thee ev’ry hour, most gracious Lord. No tender voice like thine can peace afford.
I need thee, oh, I need thee; Ev’ry hour I need thee! Oh, bless me now, my Savior; I come to thee!
I need thee ev’ry hour; stay thou nearby. Temptations lose their pow’r when thou art nigh.
I need thee ev’ry hour, in joy or pain. Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
I need thee ev’ry hour, most holy One. Oh, make me thine indeed, thou blessed Son!
I need thee, oh, I need thee; Ev’ry hour I need thee! Oh, bless me now, my Savior; come to thee!
Carter had given me a priesthood blessing Friday evening. I figured that whatever ends up happening, it is in line with God’s plan and timing. Everything will work out.
I was also struck by some of the words that Carter said. “Your Heavenly Father is excited for this new adventure”. In these 9 months of pregnancy, I haven’t really thought about how God felt about it all. I felt like this was his plan for us, that we were supposed to start our family at this time, that he would help and support us through the hard times that are coming. But all of these feelings connected God in a distant way to our starting a family.
The words of this blessing made me realize how personally involved God is in the start of our family. He is our Father. I think about how excited my and Carter’s parents are to welcome another baby into the family. How eager everyone is to meet him and welcome this new life into the world. If our earthly parents are that excited for us, I cannot begin to imagine the excitement that our Heavenly Parents have for us as we begin this chapter of life.
Starting our family is more than a milestone in life. It is a milestone for our eternity together, and Heavenly Father is so excited for us to begin that journey.
I guess this line was a reminder to me of God’s love and involvement in the whole process. He loves our little family so much. He loves the spirit he is sending down to us and knows that he belongs in our family. He is so excited for this adventure we are embarking on.
With all that said, I hadn’t thought much about the blessing after Friday night. And then we sat in church and sang the words “I need thee every hour”.
It was at this moment that Christ seemed to re-enter the equation. Regardless of what I am experiencing, I need Him every hour. Not only do I need Him, but He will be there every single hour.
Not that I’m at my crumbling point. Not that this is the lowest of lows we will ever experience. If we have to alter our birth plan and I get a C-section I’m sure we could handle it ourselves. We will be fine.
But the beautiful thing is that we don’t have to handle it ourselves. While we have each other for support, we don’t have to depend on just that, regardless of how hard the times are that we experience. Regardless of whether we are in a time of great need, the truth is that we need Him every hour. Whether He is walking beside us or physically carrying us, He is always with us if we will allow Him to be.
It is of this that I have to remind myself. I don’t have to be in the depths of despair before I can turn to Him. I don’t have to be at the lowest of lows. He wants me to turn to Him now.
Knowing that God has a plan for us is wonderful. Knowing that everything will work out as it should is a great source of peace. Knowing of God’s excitement for our little family amplifies my own excitement.
But whatever worries, nerves, anxiety, or fear may remain, I can place it all in Christ’s hands. He experienced it all so that I wouldn’t have to experience it alone. He knows our sorrows, worries, pains, and joys. He wants to live them with us. So why not let Him?
Grateful.
I am so grateful for this knowledge that I have. I am grateful for the peace it brings. I am grateful for the gentle reminder in those first few moments of Sacrament Meeting, which allowed me to see that Christ is with us now.
I am so grateful for our Heavenly Father’s plan. While we definitely stray from His path often, I know that this little family is in His plan for us. Having this beginning of a family unit supported by God is pretty extraordinary and empowering. It makes me feel like we can surmount any difficulties headed our way. As long as we keep Him at our center 🙂
Interested in learning more about what we believe? You can learn more at Comeontochrist.org.
