I’ll admit I was terrified to commit to marriage. While I had always dreamed of finding my perfect prince charming, I was surrounded by a world of unhappy, broken, suffering marriages. Marriages that thought they would end in “happily ever after”. Couples who thought they could commit to love and to cherish in sickness and in health. But as Carter and I started seriously talking about marriage, the reality of so many failing marriages hit me. How could I commit my life to one person? How could I jump to this terrifying stage of life? How can I really know it’s right?
Caught up in waiting for a revelation from God, I dragged my feet making up my mind. I was more than wishy-washy and our relationships really suffered because of it. When I finally realized I needed to find what I wanted, that confirmation from God did come. But not until I had realized that Carter was my very best friend and I couldn’t imagine my future without him. Realizing our strengths and weaknesses, I admitted to God that I knew we would have struggles. I didn’t expect marriage to be easy. I was still terrified of eternity. But God spoke peace to my heart and gave me the assurance that if Carter and I both gave our all, our marriage would be a good idea.
So I was terrified. I told Carter my feelings and somehow he accepted my desires to move forward, despite the roller coasters I had previously led him on. It all seemed so overwhelming, yet drawing closer to our wedding day I was filled with increasing peace in our decision.
The wedding day anxiety that I had anticipated never hit me. The day came with an ease and normalcy that was almost unsettling. It felt strange how normal it all felt. My worries about the transition to marriage, the change in roles and responsibilities, were never realized. I have gone through every day of marriage surprised by how comfortable and easy it has been. Not struck by the daily struggle our relationship faces.
So why do I broadcast the details of my and Carter’s marriage and engagement?
Because I have found a husband who has made my life easier and happier since the day we said “I do”.
All the nerves about first-year transitions were never realized with us. Sure, there have been things like finances, insurance, and dreaded taxes. But these are things I’d have had to face eventually whether or not I got married.
After a long and stressful moment hurrying to finish our taxes this week, I was struck with the fact that Carter has only made my life easier. Those stressful moments of adulthood that make me wish I was a kid again are made doable because I have Carter as my partner through it all. I don’t have to strain to get along with Carter. Sure, we have our differences and we have each had to learn how the other communicates… but it is so easy to be Carter’s wife and to keep on loving him.
So to you who are struggling to commit to marriage or even a committed relationship, look for that one who will make your life easier. Yes, marriage brings with it huge refinement. We experience greater trials and pain with our spouse than with any other. But we also experience greater joy and support than can be found anywhere else on earth.
Make God the center of your marriage. Trust that He will confirm your decision.
Keep loving each other. Pray for each other. Commit from day one that you will love and serve each other eternally.
Don’t look to be offended. Living the rest of life together, there are sure to be offensive moments, whether intended or not. But keep looking for the good.
I know that a lot of people are in marriages that have lost the fire. Maybe lost trust in each other or the companionship they used to share. If this is the case, LOOK NOW for ways you can make your spouse’s life easier, happier, and fuller. PRAY to know how to heal whatever has been severed. Pray for your spouse with and apart from them. Pray for their struggles, worries, and shortcomings. Pray for your own self to be understanding. Listen to their needs and complaints. And KEEP ON LOVING.
Maybe 15 months isn’t too much experience in the field of marriage. But I also know from other marriages I’ve seen that the happiest are those who serve each other endlessly. Who continue to laugh together. Who give each other everything they have every day.
I am blessed to have Carter in my life, to have someone who makes me laugh every day. Who apologizes every time he offends me- whether or not he agrees that I should have been offended. He seeks to understand me. He listens to my fears. He loves and supports everything that makes me unique.
He has comforted me in the moments when I have felt the most frustration, pain, and stress. He has been there to let me cry, hold my hand, and give me blessings.
He will always let me make him s’mores and he’ll build the best campfires for me to do so. He lets me snuggle with him even when he’s hot. He is truly my best friend.
I just feel blessed to have found my best friend and to have such a happy, comfortable life with him. Yes, we are poor financially. We are wondering how we will survive the early years of parenthood while continuing in school and part-time work. We don’t have a lot. But every moment I spend with Carter I am reminded that we have it all. Find the one that gives you everything. Not the one who can afford to support your lifestyle, but the one who gives you joy and fullness regardless of what possessions you have.
If you have that someone, remind yourself why you committed to them and recommit now to keep on loving them. Marriage is a happy thing. And no married person should go without a prayer of sincere gratitude every day for that person they get to share forever with ♥
