I have always been struck by this phrase:
Husband and Wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other…
The Family: A Proclamation to the World, The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Yes, the proclamation continues to talk of the responsibility to love and care for their children as well, but to me that part has always been obvious.
Of course parents are responsible to care for their children. But I have so often seen that once children enter the picture, the marriage relationship is jeopardized. With new financial struggles, lack of sleep, and everything else that changes, I’ve always seen a huge strain on marriages after baby is born, that is, if it didn’t already hit during pregnancy.
But when baby Peter was born, we felt like we were in Heaven. Our sweet baby boy demanded lots of attention, but we were so happy to give it to him. Our little angel brought a wonderful love into our home. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, and never experienced the crazy hormonal rollercoaster that many women experience. Even in pregnancy, our relationship didn’t seem negatively affected, only strengthened by the excitement of bringing our baby into the world.
But yesterday as I sat reading and pondering I realized that I have still somehow become guilty of what I always saw in others!
Not because of stress or strain on our relationship, but because of so much devotion to our sweet baby boy. Somehow with someone so dependent on me for everything, it has become easy to place our marriage relationship on the back burner.
Sleep is now cherished above anything else. With a long list of “to do’s” and so few moments to accomplish anything, it’s easy to push my honey away saying “I don’t have time” or “we have so much to get done”. I get stressed by the messy house and our upcoming move.
But I’m grateful for the reminder that having the dishes done or the floor swept is not what is most important in life. While a clean and organized house is important and makes me feel much better, our relationships are even more important. I can’t sweep our relationship under the rug in my rush to sweep the floor. Our baby is so important. But really believe that one of the most important things we can teach him is that we love each other. I want all my children to see us, their parents, as examples of love and devotion- to see in us what they hope for in their someday marriages.
So with that said, here are some ways to keep our marriage alive and in love now that baby is here crying for all our attention 🙂
Be intentional about your time together
We are exhausted at the end of the day. Carter has been working hard in the heat, I have been deprived of sleep and scarcely had a moment for myself. It’s easy to spend the evening looking at our phones in our own separate worlds. But it makes the world of a difference when you can be intentional about the time you have together. Put away your phone and be together. Whether it means cuddling while watching a movie together or going for an evening walk- be intentional about being together.
Make time for each other
It’s easy to get caught up in the business of life. We love each other, so it seems like spending time together should just happen naturally. But life is getting crazy and will only get crazier from here on out. We need to prioritize and make time to spend with each other each day.
Take time to talk to each other
It seems so obvious, but it’s easy to get so caught up in the daily routine that we forget to really talk. Keep talking and keep learning about each other.
Listen
Carter has been a wonderful listening ear during this postpartum period. In my moments of fatigue or discouragement, it means a lot to know that he is sincerely concerned for me and completely willing to listen. The gentle hand holds and the warm hugs tell me that he really is listening and he really does care about what I’m sharing.
Pray with and for each other
There is nothing so sweet as hearing your spouse plead with God on your behalf. Praying together draws hearts together.
Get a babysitter or ask a family member to give you some alone time
Read together
We read in the scriptures together every night and discuss what we learn. But it doesn’t have to stop there! Carter’s parents love reading books together… I have loved overhearing them read Les Miserables together 🙂
Give each other kisses and hugs
Find ways to be close
Everything is different now that you have a baby demanding your constant attention. You are exhausted and always busy. But it’s so important to still stay close! One of the best things postpartum was losing the huge belly and finally being able to hug my honey! It’s silly, but the belly really makes things awkward 😉 Take the time to cuddle and just be close to each other 🙂
Find little ways to show your love
Again, everything is different. You may not be able to do all the things you could a month or two ago that showed your love. You have both already changed so much, and with that so may your preferences for showing love! For me, suddenly getting a foot massage or a little extra help around the house is even more significant than before baby came into the world. Find what is meaningful in the moment and do that for your spouse. Show that you love them regardless of how they need to receive that love ♥.
Loving each other will teach your children about love! It will give them somewhere to look for their own future marriage. Prioritize your marriage relationships and everything else in your home will be better off 🙂
What ways have you found to continue to show love and strengthen your marriage through the years? (With or without kids) Please comment and share your experience… I’m still figuring this one out!
