And They Twain Shall be One

To be honest, I am not the biggest fan of Valentine’s day. I’ve always thought people did too much on one day and too little on every other day of the year to show their love. We should celebrate every day. I’m not much of a fan about the frills and pink hearts, and I’m definitely more of a wild flowers than roses type of girl ;). We both feel kind of the same way, so our first year of marriage I don’t think we even did anything to celebrate Valentine’s!

But for some reason, this year my perspective has changed a bit. Maybe a year of marriage has made me love Carter so much that I suddenly want to celebrate. We do love each other every day. But this year, I don’t see the harm in an excuse to dress up or plan something extra special… after all, no reason not to give our love a little extra attention! (I know, you’re probably thinking I’m crazy. Whiplash. Two opposite viewpoints. But rest assured, our home will still be void of frilly hearts this year. Maybe next year though. 😉 ).

But with Valentine’s around the corner, I felt totally justified to write a bit about marriage. I’m in a marriage and family class, and I am constantly finding references to wonderful talks I want to study. The list has been growing quite large, so last night I took the time to read just a few. Here’s one quote that I absolutely loved.

“Satan seeks to confuse us about our stewardships and distinctive natures as men and women… He would have us believe men and women are so alike that our unique gifts are not necessary, or so different we can never hope to understand each other. Neither is true.”

“It is Not Good for Man or Woman to be Alone”, Sheri L. Dew

I was immediately struck by the truth of this statement. There are two extremes in the world. While the valid fight for equality between the sexes seeks to balance the opportunities granted to men and women alike, sometimes our divine natures are lost in the process. While equality is the goal, we still possess our own unique set of traits. Men and women are designed to be different.

On the other hand, there is the pull to convince you that you are too different from the opposite sex to truly understand each other. I so often hear a problem brushed under the rug with “he’s just a guy… don’t expect him to understand”.

So which is it? Is every difference between male and female socially constructed? Are there any real differences in brain development or cognitive functioning? Or are we practically different species?

I am so grateful for our marriage’s understanding of God’s perspective on these roles.

“Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other, but enough different that we would unite our strengths and stewardships to create a whole. Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other.”

“It is Not Good for Man or Woman to be Alone”, Sheri L. Dew

We complete each other.

Or at least that is the goal. We have been working at it since we said “I Do” and have a long while ahead of us to keep working at it. But this has been the most helpful reminder during any struggles of marriage.

A friend reminded us of this at our wedding reception- to never be frustrated because of your differences. Be grateful for the second perspective, because with two viewpoints you are more likely to figure out the right direction sooner. This requires listening, patience, seeking to understand. We definitely don’t see eye-to-eye every day. But seeing differences as a blessing, not a curse, allows us to see each other as a blessing. Rather than arguing, we can learn from each other, and hopefully come to the best conclusion after doing so.

Male and female are like puzzle pieces designed to fit together into a whole. We are not the same, but not so different that we can’t fit together perfectly if we work at it long enough. It would make for a pretty boring puzzle if every piece was identical. We need the variety to beautify the finished product ♥

So here’s my Valentine’s challenge. Be grateful for differences this week. Notice how your partner’s attributes have changed you for the better. After all, part of the fitting process is sanding off the wonky edges for a smoother fit 😉

Please comment below with what you have learned in marriage! How have differences added spice to your relationships?