Preparing For Baby

Yikes. I remember the day we found out we were pregnant. I had missed my period within the first month after going off birth control. Kind of freaking out because I was not expecting it to happen this fast, I read up beforehand and found that a lot of women actually missed their periods in the first month or two as their body adjusted to being off the pill.

It’s just my body adjusting.

I was thoroughly convinced. Didn’t even really begin to consider that I was actually pregnant. Because it just doesn’t happen that easy. You decide you want to get pregnant. You go off the pill. It takes a few months at least.

But Carter was convinced I would be pregnant- and so proud of himself for being a “straight shooter” (yes, his exact words. He was quite cocky about it all.) As I went to take the test I was mostly worried about his disappointment, fearing the discouragement when he wasn’t really so “straight shootin’ ” after all. And then there was the underlying anxiety, nervously asking myself, what if I am pregnant?

It sounds silly, really. If we had made the decision to go off birth control- had been trying to get pregnant- you’d think we’d be nothing but eager and excited. You’d think we’d be more sure of our decision. But realizing you are pregnant is a scary thing, no matter what stage of life you are in. And I don’t think you can help but wonder if you’re really ready.

So I took the test and was beyond disbelief as the test showed one, then two very clear lines. Carter was ecstatic and proud… so very proud. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. Nerves, doubts, questions.

I had felt very strongly that it was time to start our family. It had been my idea to consider going off the pill. But I was so nervous and afraid.

How many women have felt this before? I’d be willing to bet I’m not the only woman who has felt this.

But we began talking more, preparing, and celebrating between the two of us. I was struck with the amazing miracle of life being created inside of me. It is truly a miracle.

There are still those days and moments of anxiety. It is often one or the other, rarely both of us at once (thank goodness!), who get these moments of doubt and wonder what the heck we are getting ourselves into.

We are full-time students, working to pay for bills and tuition. We don’t really have a lot at all. But beneath it all is this feeling that we are doing what we are meant to. Somehow we know that God is actually looking out for us, that somehow this crazy impractical plan is actually a part of his greater, grander plan. And somehow that is able to bring me peace. When I have those moments of anxiety, I think about the miracle growing inside of me and I am so grateful that I will get to be a mom.

Mom. The word still scares me. But the thought of starting my family with Carter, my absolute best friend, makes me excited for the adventures ahead. Despite how crazy our plan sounds to the rest of the world, we sleep easy knowing it is the right plan for us.