I’m not the first to admit that life is hard after you have a baby. Everything is different. You’ve lost your independence, finances are strained, and you are living on half as much sleep (or less).
It’s not that you don’t love your baby. You are absolutely in love with those sweet newborn snuggles, those first sleepy smiles, and the sound of baby’s first laugh. You might try to brush off the feelings of discouragement and exhaustion, fearing that if you do allow yourself to feel this you are somehow a “bad” mother. Maybe you allow yourself to feel and you begin to worry that you really are a bad mother.
I didn’t understand it until I had a baby of my own. I thought postpartum blues and depression were only for those with “chemical imbalances”. I didn’t realize the staggering weight of all mothers accomplish and sacrifice. I’m 3 months into motherhood and I already feel like a master of maternal struggles!
And I’m just getting started.
But while it’s sometimes so hard… Sometimes I’m exhausted and can’t help but fall asleep with my baby while he nurses. Some days it seems I haven’t accomplished a single thing and I wonder where the hours went…. I’ve found some things that have really HELPED me to take control of my mental health and to feel good, happy, healthy, and successful at the end of the day. I’m hoping these can help you too 🙂
Be Mindful about your Emotions
Acknowledging difficult emotions has always been really hard for me. I’m just a happy person and I love life. So I’ve somehow found it shameful whenever I’m bogged down by any negative emotion. The truth is, no emotion is inherently bad. Every emotion serves an important purpose. Emotions can alert you to imbalance in your life and relationships. Practicing yoga has taught me that instead of ignoring my emotions or letting them consume me, I can allow them to serve their purpose. Accept them, learn from them, and learn how I can change to create more enjoyable emotions. Allow them to serve their purpose. Putting up a happy facade is NOT being mentally healthy. You may be able to fool others for a while, but you can’t fool yourself and odds are you’ll eventually snap! So let yourself experience your emotions as they need to be experienced.
Talk About It
I can’t say how much this has helped me. After finally talking through some of my postpartum experiences with my husband, I feel like all my internal struggles have been released. No longer forcing myself to hold them in where only I can see, I can finally help myself and seek the support I need.
Set Down Your Phone
This seriously drains you mentally and physically. It interferes with your relationships, your conversations, and your self confidence.
This week I’ve decided to pick up my phone less and pick up my books more. Instead of scrolling on my phone while I’m breastfeeding, instead I indulge in an interesting book! I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I’m feeding my mind something tangible, rather than something empty.
Follow Someone Inspiring!
If you’re going to keep your Instagram, start following someone who inspires you (NOT someone who makes you feel bad about yourself or someone who makes you long for everything they have… this is NOT inspiration). I love my sister’s account@heidipyperdoula where she posts her own experiences with childbirth and maternal health. When I see her posts it feeds my soul and leaves me feeling uplifted and inspired. Find those people who make you feel INSPIRED after viewing their posts. Remember, the goal is INSPIRATION, not longing.
Connect with Other Mothers
Fellow mom friends are the best! Find friends who you can connect with over similar life experiences. Making friends has never been easier… you can just talk about your babies! And odds are, those friends are experiencing many of the same struggles that you are! So make some friends and talk with them too 🙂 Click here for 10 Tips on How to Connect with other Mom Friends.
Take a Walk
After being cooped up breastfeeding and doing chores all day, I just have to get outside. For me, taking a walk brings me immense peace and clarity. For you, it might be going for a walk, but it might be many other things! Running, swimming, rock climbing… whatever helps you clear your mind, DO IT! Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family or friends so you can have some time to yourself.
Do what YOU WANT to do when Baby Sleeps
Some of the best advice I heard shortly after giving birth. Yes, it’s important to sleep when baby sleeps, and sometimes this is what you need. But sometimes you need something else more than sleep. Read a book, clip your toenails, take a shower, do some yoga… whatever is going to help you feel good!
Eat what makes you REALLY feel good
Not what feeds the way you feel. Choose foods that clear your body and your mind, that don’t weigh you down. Eat in balanced ways, but let yourself indulge once in a while, too!
Listen to Something Uplifting
I’ve recently started listening to some great podcasts while I clean, which helps to boost my mood while doing chores that can feel super repetitive.
Intentionally Spend Time with Loved ones
Put down your phone and any other background distractions and just devote some real time to each other!
Learn New Things and Share What you Learn
I love to learn! When I feed my mind I feel so much more productive and happier. I’ve been reading my social psychology textbook (reads more like a chapter book) while breastfeeding and I love it! I also love telling Carter about all I’ve learned in there and everywhere else 😉
Find Enjoyable Ways to be Productive
Your mom duties aren’t going to disappear. Babies will need feeding, diaper changing, and spit-up cleaning. Laundry will remain, as will the other chores. But you can still find ways to make even the most mundane chores more enjoyable!
For our new job, we have to vacuum our apartment complex every other day. One month in and I am already getting so sick of vacuuming! Carter has been really willing to help me out and the other night we decided to tag-team it and make a competition out of it. First one to finish their side of the building gets to pick out the Christmas tree next month! 😉 That’s motivation enough for me… simply doing it together and adding a little competition made this chore feel MUCH FASTER than ever before. So get creative and find ways to make your must-dos a little more enjoyable.
I sincerely hope this post has given you some ideas of how to boost your mental health. You need some lovin’, mama! I encourage you to do all you can to take control of your situation, but if you are still struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help. The suggestions in this post are in NO WAY intended to discredit or replace professional help. There are trained professionals who can help you to learn ways to get out of the negative downward spirals and prescribe medications where necessary (don’t be ashamed if you can’t seem to “figure it out” without medication! All resources are valuable if used in their proper place!). There are so many options and, when used in a holistic way, you can truly be well.
You can do it, mama! You are strong, beautiful, and courageous. You are doing a remarkable work. Never forget that ♥
Like!! Great article post.Really thank you! Really Cool.
This is really great! I am always trying to be less engaged on my phone, as it is such an easy distraction.
These are excellent suggestions! I well remember the months following the birth of my first child! Nothing can quite prepare you for how your life changes. I felt very isolated at the time too. Everyone else was working it seemed. Baby girl and I worked our way through it though and the time after babies two and three went smoother!
Good to know it can get easier. It’s definitely been a roller coaster!
Great post! I feel like I could’ve used seeing this after my first child. It’s so hard, and often a new mom feels so overwhelmed and doesn’t know who to turn to or what to do. These are all great things to help new moms take charge of their mental health and regulate a little self care.
Thank you! I definitely didn’t realize how hard it can be prior to becoming a mama. I think it’s important to know that other mamas are having similar experiences and that we’re here to support each other.
Setting down your phone is perhaps the hardest thing to do – especially when it is essential to work! I have tried to do so but it is difficult to do it.
It is so hard! I try to do work stuff on my phone, but it is so easy to get distracted!
Love this list! It was really smart to include learning new things. I think so many people forget about how learning something new really can be a positive experience!
Learning definitely helps so much! It is so good for the brain (as long as we don’t overload it) and can really help to feel productive.
Great post! I love the part about following someone inspiring. That helps me so much every day!
This is a great list! It’s important that new mothers practice a bit of self care, and this list is thorough and practical. I appreciate you sharing this, as I’m sure you will help other mothers!
So wonderful to hear that yoga has helped you be more in the moment living with an open heart. Self-care, such as a steady yoga practice, will only make you a better Mom…one that loves herself enough to take care of herself so she will be available to those little ones.
Yes, my yoga practice definitely brings so much to my life! It is so grounding now that I’m a mom.
Keep this list. Add to it as your little one gets older. AND take things away if they don’t suit that particular period in your family. Don’t keep it as a “I should do these things for myself” list. Unwrap each bit of the list like a favorite piece of chocolate or a ‘just because’ gift from a friend.
That’s great advice, thank you! I definitely want to add to it as I discover more things that help… Mental health is such an individualized journey!
Absolutely! Talking to someone about what you are feeling especially someone that will understand is so important and taking time for yourself! These are all great ideas.
I think a lot of these tips are good reminders for moms and others too. I’m not a mother, but can definitely relate to feeling more positive and less stressed after being active outside or reading a good book instead of scrolling through Insta!
It’s definitely important at all stages in life! It’s so easy to lose track of our mental health when life gets busy
This stage of life is hard on your body and mind but so worth it! Love those baby snuggles! This is great advice to help yourself to keep going!
Great advice! I agree with the putting your phone down part – I saw new mamas traveling around the WORLD with their newborn and it left me feeling empty. I ended up getting diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis, which made everything a lot more crazy. I hope that if there is a next time I can take on the mindset that it is a season that passes – and it gets better and better. To take time for myself and cut myself some slack!
This is an important topic and you have great tips for moms to remind them that taking care of themselves should also be a priority.
I’m sharing the link of this with my niece! She has a two month old and this is a great info for her!!!
Thanks for sharing this! I feel like moms don’t get enough instruction on how to care for themselves. I hope this can be helpful to her and other moms!
This is an important topic for many mothers! I am glad to see you are talking about it!
Thanks and I agree! It’s not talked about enough, in my opinion… But I think all moms need a reminder to care for themselves sometimes.
All such thoughtful advice! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Great tips. Thanks! I just wrote a similar post about self-care activities for moms.
This is so helpful. It is so hard to adjust to having a baby, but oh so worth it.
Wonderful post! It is so hard to go through the changes in our bodies after having a child and to know that it is normal and can take time, you have included some inspiring and must-do’s!