We had a wonderful yoga class a few weeks back where we each answered a question of reflection on the past year or looking forward to the next year. It was such a beautiful class, where people opened up, shared hugs and tears, and left with such a feeling of warmth and love. (read more about our genuine conversation here).
Another girl answered a question that I absolutely loved and that caused me to reflect in such a meaningful way.
What day from the past year would you choose to relive?
As I pondered this question, it was sort of re-framed in my mind and I found myself writing down some tender thoughts and feelings as I nursed him to sleep that night. Here are those thoughts that I’m so glad I recorded. ♥
Would I relive any day before I became a mother?
No, I wouldn’t trade my sweet baby Peter for anything. Life has been a whirlwind since he was born. No day has been the same. I have not slept. My marriage is entirely different. I have felt exhaustion, frustration, and distress. I’ve cried a lot of tears. But I still wouldn’t give it up. With all the trials has come the most beautiful, meaningful purpose to my life. I have become a nurturer, a creator. To have someone look at you with such complete dependence. To love this tiny being with your whole soul. To see his beaming smiles, hear his ticklish laughs, and be the one who calms all his tears. Motherhood has truly been the greatest blessing. (While also the greatest trial).
What day would I relive? At first I thought of my Peter’s birth. The intensity of a sleepless morning. Carter’s earnest efforts to support me the entire time. Heidi bringing water and those delicious popsicles. The moment I met my baby boy- he was handed to me all slimy and purple. Crying that quiet cry. Still attached to the placenta inside me. Mine. This sweet baby boy was mine. I was his. Mama ♥️.
Would I relive this moment again? This moment so full of emotion. A moment of such great strength? The most remarkable day I have lived.
To hear that sweet newborn cry again and hold his naked body to my naked chest. To feel the pain as they stitched me up, the pain that felt worse than the birth itself.
Looking tenderly at my husband in tears. Holding the babe and knowing at that instant that he was Peter.
A day of so much beauty and so much emotion. But looking back, I’m so grateful for where we are now. My sweet, healthy boy that is cradled in my arms as I write. His warm hand gently fingers my breast as he drifts to sleep. I hear the soft exhale of his breath, feel the slight movement of his head back and forth. I am grateful for the sweet little boy who is mine today. I wouldn’t change him. I wouldn’t go back to when he was newly born and I wouldn’t fast forward a single moment. I’m grateful for all the moments I get to live with him and for the way he blesses all my moments.
So no, I wouldn’t go back and relive any day, because I’m so grateful and excited for the present.
I’m so grateful for motherhood and for my sweet baby Peter.
Read more about my beautiful birth story here.
